Just a magical morning in the life of mummy

This morning Nina woke at 05:00, stole my phone from beside the bed and went to take 100 pictures of the inside of her tent (bed) and watch the ‘toons on YouTube. I was pleased about this as I didn’t know – because I was asleep 👍🏻

Once up negotiations were held resulting me throwing her in the shower as her hair was inexplicable. Akin to one large dreadlock. There was food/toothpaste/matter in it – it needed conditioner – any attempt to brush it would have resulted in a total bitch fit and a potential scalping.

Nina decided that her eyes needed washing so purposely popped some soap in them. 

She decided this was actually not the best idea and asked for help in a true ‘toddler with soap in eyes’ manner. The world was about to end. 

She wanted to wear her strawberry towel today. Negotiations were held as today is a school (nursery) day so I explained that it would be much more socially acceptable to wear her uniform. She decided she liked her ‘unicorn’. 

Once dressed (after further negotiations) I managed to plait her hair in the vain hope that it’ll be ‘matter’ free upon her return. 

I ran up the stairs 10 times only to forget what I needed. My memory is on a par with that of a goldfish. I still don’t know what I needed.

Nina wanted to take her pram. Negotiations were held. We agreed that Bobbi and I would be the guardians of the sacred pram until she got home – this was acceptable only if Bobbi agreed not to yack on it.

Whilst getting my shoes I noticed that Nina has flooded the house during her shower and fucked the downstairs loo ceiling. Wonderful. 

Got outside to realise that I had a flat tyre AGAIN. Nina complained – loudly while I pumped it up with the electric doo dad. 

I dropped her off and headed home to tidy the house.

Realised that my arms and ribs are quite sore and tried to recall what exersize I did yesterday. I realised that I can’t recall any of yesterday on account of my shitty memory. 

It all came screaming back to me. After being pissed around by our shit of a sister (she’s 12, so a bit of an arsehole at times) me and the girls went out for lunch with my brother. 

Once we got home I sprayed anti bac cleaner on the stairs that I’d scrubbed earlier as Nina (the tramp) took to throwing her pissy nighttime nappies down the stairs in the mornings 😷 (I have retrained the chimp now)

The anti-bac fine spray turned the floor into a skating rink of death and I slipped down the stairs onto the stairgate. 

I lay there for a bit assessing the damage. No broken bones, just damaged pride and Nina standing over me – if she’d had a stick she would have poked me with it. 

Allow to air dry’ my Arse 👍🏻

Final thoughts –

• Toddlers are tramps. 

• Dettol are liars. 

• Bobbi thinks she’s incredibly clever for yacking all over the rug.

Life is magical 👍🏻

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