This is a 5k run around the park up the road.
Fuck knows why I though this would be a good idea. I’ve ran three times in the last five years and nearly died each time.
We darted around like lunatics trying to get everyone ready – we were a well oiled machine.
As I was pulling on some leggings (I don’t own any sports gear that I can squeeze my considerable mass into) Nina decided to heave Bobbi up and say proudly ‘look mummy, Bobbi’s standing up’.
Naturally I was somewhat shocked by this and feeling the fear that it was going to end badly I asked Nina to put her down – now!
She obliged, by promptly letting go, allowing Bobbi to hit the deck like a tattie sack as, surprisingly enough – the 7 month old can’t stand unaided yet
After soothing her and telling Nina that ‘that wasn’t very kind’ (whilst secretly wanting to tell her not to be such a complete twat) we went to the park.
At 09:00 it was already hot, around 20• – this coupled with the hangover I had from enjoying three cans of mummy’s special talent juice last night, then treating myself to another shit nights sleep meant that it was not optimum conditions to start doing sport.
5k is really fucking far. My legs were screaming at me and within minutes I became concerned that my lungs were going to turn to throth.
Nina chimed in every now and then with helpful comments like ‘mummy do you need to go really slow’ and ‘quick, we need to catch them up’.
We made it round in 48 minutes – I understand that this is not an Olympic qualifying time. I did walk most of it (and had a little cry at how fucking pathetic I was) whilst being lapped by everyone and being heckled by my child.
By the time we got home I felt like a dementor so we decided to get showered and go out. Get some sun and ensure that we don’t all just sit inside developing rickets.
Dan spent the remainder of the morning chasing me around with pints of juice like Father jack shouting ‘DRINK!’
Once we’d recovered from our run (/walk/lay down/vomit/die) we went to a transport gala and to let the girls eat some sand at the playground and Nina turned herself into a walking buffet for wasps with an icecream.
I’m rounding off the afternoon by cleaning up Bobbi, who is loving life with pre loaded yogurt spoons.
Her pleasure is my pain 👍🏻